L'Homme Whippit
:: By Charles Paquin - Book review

This was a truly great and quick read. I am happy to have heard another voice in my dark solitary confinement cell! It is pretty tough being a life-loving bachelor seeking to meet and spend time with as many smart and beautiful bachelorettes as possible, without getting bogged down in the same traps and spiderwebs.

I would like to order at least 500 copies and leave them in my trunk - readily available to be dispensed to the great and overwhelming majority of my friends who have recently fallen like flies in their black spider's cocoons. These fellows really need to read and appreciate this brief Manifesto for the modern urban man... and no, not the trapped "metrosexual"!

Paquin is onto something: I really belive that the tipping point of this newly urban masculin awakening is about to take on a wildfire rage... that perhaps in a few years we will regret. But clearly, a new balance in the relationship matrix is required. This book not only applies to Quebec society, but to all modern societies across the World.

I would love to interview Charles for an article at a leading magazine where I free-lance at. I can be reached at www.taravati.com

Chapeau Charles!

Thanks Ash for this great joke
:: Girlfriend 7.0 vs. Wife 1.0

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
No mention of this was included with the product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Fishing 7.5, and Motorcycling 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!!!!!!

THE REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is due to a very common problem that generates many complaints. It is due to a primary misconception generally by male users.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that it is merely a "Utilities and Entertainment program". Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run everything! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and return to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating systems files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to disallow this. Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than in the original system.
Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under "Warnings - Alimony/Child Support." I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation.

I suggest installing the background application C:\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that you read the entire section regarding "General Partnership Faults (GPFs)." You must assume all responsibility for any faults and problems that occur, regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPF's are cyclical. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. Avoid excessive use of C:\YES DEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return too normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), Trash 40, and Do Bills 4.2. You must, however, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen.

WARNING!!!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

regards.